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Every day I walk my three small dogs around the block. It never fails that my youngest, a Shih Tzu named Littles, becomes Mr. Fearless when we get to one particular fence. Just as we round the second corner of our walk, Littles lowers his head, sticks his tail straight out behind him, and runs as fast as he can to a fence where a big dog lives. I have to drag my other two dogs to keep up with him. It's a tall backyard fence and near the bottom, there is a small peephole about the size of a silver dollar. By the time we reach it, the big dog is usually already barking and even howling as he shoves his nose into the hole. Littles comes along and shoves his own nose right back at the big dog's, barking into the peephole while jumping at the fence and wagging his tail. This same little dog, who freezes up and drops his tail between his legs at the park when a big dog approaches, becomes the aggressor when he's behind a fence. The peephole is his safe view into the big dog's world and he loves to use it for a brief ego boost.


When I got home from our walk the other day, I was reading an online article about a local man who was murdered. In the comments below the article, some woman made an inappropriate, heartless joke about his murder. She didn't know the man. The joke was more about his occupation and she tried to cleverly relate it to why he was killed. I can't imagine she would have said this in the physical presence of the readers, as most people would attack her heartlessness, but behind the safety of the computer, she had no threat. It made me think of my earlier walk with little Mr. Fearless and the protective fence. The internet was this woman's fence, and her peephole was the small box on the website that said: "Post your comment here." 

Bullying and serious internet aggression are something altogether different. This incident was more on the level of your average person getting a whim to post something she wouldn't be held accountable for. The woman struck me as someone who just got a quick dose of courage to throw out an outrageous comment. It's like my dog Littles. He's not a bully, but a really nice dog most of the time. He just likes to take that brief opportunity every morning to feel big and strong. I'm not sure what the woman online was trying to feel. Funny? Cool? Or maybe she just wanted to be noticed. I don't know her, so I can't know her heart. Judging her is useless, but using her as an example can be worthwhile. Have I ever been tempted to write something online that I wouldn't say in person? Of course. While her particular joke wouldn't have been my choice, I am certainly capable of voicing opinions that don't need to go out there. If I'm willing to stand behind my comments, and my intentions are pure, then I can speak my mind in good conscience. But if ever my thoughts and motives resemble Littles barking into the peephole, pretending he is something he's not, I will try to recall how pathetic false courage looks, and keep those comments to myself. 

There are plenty of positives having this computer peephole to the world. Everyone now has a voice, and the safety behind the computer gives people courage to speak out. That in itself can be a good thing. It starts getting negative when the little Shih Tzus out there lose all sense of their usual decorum for the sake of a quick ego boost, or a laugh, or even just an opportunity to be heard. I think it's a good idea while online to pretend that at any moment, the peephole could open wide up. Face to face with my readers, it would be best to choose words that feel right while looking into their eyes.  

 


Comments

Sra
02/04/2013 8:39pm

I think the woman was actually a man, who hates women. He goes online and posts mean things on news stories so people will think women are cold hearted, but he uses a fake profile to not be seen. Also it confirms the widely held belief that humans are a mixture of dark and light. Some appear to be good, some not so good, but all are not just one or the other. Whatever the case may be your simile does ring true!

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Candi
02/05/2013 8:15am

Thanks for the comment, Sra. I certainly agree we are a mixture of dark and light.

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Laura O'leary
02/04/2013 9:41pm

Wise words! Something for me to mull over for the next few days...

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Candi
02/05/2013 8:15am

Thanks, Laura :)

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Bill Spurgeon
02/05/2013 8:42am

Sometimes we miss small signs. Dogs who are being mean, nasty and aggressive do not wag the tail. Wagging is a sign of friendly encounter. This sounds more like a playful meeting that your dog feels safe being close to this larger dog but not one of aggressive attack. It seems both are not biting at the hole to hurt one another but rather loudly acknowledging each other. But I like your analogy.

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Candi
02/05/2013 8:59am

This makes a lot of sense, Bill. Thanks for the clarity! When I walk them today I will watch the encounter with new eyes.

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ReneƩ
02/05/2013 9:24am

Well put, Candi. It's interesting that right after the OcVarsity blog changed it's policy to prevent anonymous comments, the conversations stopped almost entirely; while other sports forums are still very active. Plenty of people rely on fences.

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Candi
02/05/2013 10:16am

That is interesting, Renee. And it's too bad for OCVarsity. Maybe in time, with new people coming along, the conversation will start back up-- and it will be more positive since it's no longer anonymous.

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02/07/2013 9:35am

I love this observation and you suggestion that we remember the fence could be gone, so be careful what you write.

xoxo tiffani

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Candi
02/07/2013 9:57am

Thanks, Tiffani. Happy to share this post with one of my favorite bloggers :)

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